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Fixtures Man Television Transcripts
January 2004

3rd January

Fixtures man is pleased with his resounding vote of confidence, he had planned to sell the mega-shed on Ebay and retire to rural Norfolk with a bag of shelf brackets and the Ikea catalogue for bedtime reading, but no need, here are your fixtures:

As you know, Fixtures Man is really good looking, in fact you could say that he's bambootiful - with some bamboo blinds,
like theeeese!

And Fixtures Man is incredibly rich, he has over 3000 hounds - with some ceramic dog models,
like theeeeese!

And Fixtures man is also really good at sports, he could easily win an iron man contest - with some ironing board covers,
like theeeeeeeeese!

Fixtures Man Rules!

10th January

I feel so lucky after winning the phone vote that I've mortgaged my house and gone to Vegas to get rich quick. Anyway, don't worry, I've sent a replacement, called tables man, be nice to him, love fixtures man

Boom Boom Boom let me hear you say tables

If you're upset about losing your kitchen table - you might be pining for another, like theeeese!

Planning a heavy knight round your house - you wanna get a round table,
like theeeese!

Having trouble with the ladies? Like Robbie Knox - he wants to get a bird table,
like theeese!

17th January

As loyal readers will know, fixtures man has just returned from las Vegas, it's amazing, some of the small fixtures there are the size of really big fixtures.
Anyway, I brought some back for you, you're welcome!
Some places are smart in Vegas, you can't get in without a shirt and cacti
Like theeeese!

And with all the beautiful women out there, you could get caught out - with some baseball gloves,
like theeeeeese!

I even met Bruce Forsythe in Vegas, and he said "dice to see you, to see you, DICE!" - with some oversized dice,
like theeese!!

Fixtures man will accept mails and gambling money via Tim and Helen.

24th January

Fixtures Man hopes you are all having a good 2004, the Chinese year of the fixture.

DIY not go for a holiday, maybe a couple of days by the coaster - with some drink mats,
like theeeeese

Any while you're there; you might bump into ex Liverpool, Wales striker, Dean Launders - with some foldable Laundry baskets,
like theeese!

DUCK! -with some ducks,
Like theeese!

You may write to Fixtures Man, or his best mate Rick Witter at the usual address.


31st January

Fixtures man is a little tired today, he was up till 1am on the phone to his best mate Shed Seven front man Rick Witter, who was trying to claim that the B&Q in York is better than Norwich Homebase, what a wally!
Anyway, here are the fixtures:

Fixtures man's been back from Vegas for three weeks now, but he doesn't miss the strip - with a metal stripping knife,
like theeeese!

Although he could do with another holiday, maybe he'll go for a spring break - with some spring door closers,
like theeeeeese!

Or maybe Fixtures Man will become an estate agent, he's got the buyers - now he just needs the sellers,
like theeeese!

Keep writing to Fixtures Man, whatever you do, don't stop chasing rainbows.

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