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Fixtures Man Television Transcripts
April 2004

3rd April

All the ladies in the shed let me hear you scream,

This week, Fixtures Man was wondering what his name would be if it wasn't Fixtures Man. It might be Neil - with some kneelers,
Like theeese!

Actually, it probably wouldn't be called Neil, Neil's a losers name.

Or maybe you'd be named after someone in New Kids on the Block, woooah, we're hanging tough - with some hangers,
Like theeeese!

But don't worry; Fixtures Man's future is looking rosé - with some wine racks,
Like theeeeeeese!

Also, this week is the first ever finger of death, prepare yourself Lee Hayward.
Fixtures Man and Soccer AM accept no responsibility if Lee dies.

10th April

All the ladies in the shed let me hear you scream,

People often go up to Fixtures Man and say,
"You're so cool and funny and good at riding BMX bikes, but what do you know about music?"
Well it's a lot, and to show you, I'm going to give some recommendations.

Perhaps you'd like some Ice-Cube - with some Ice Cube trays,
Like theeese!

Maybe a bit of Brit pop, Oasis, Roll with it - with some rolling pins
Like theeeese!

Or maybe you're a fan of Aerosmith, you know the singer, Steven Tyler - with some tiles
Like theeeeeeese!

17th April

It's time to break some news,
Fixtures Man isn't going to do any fixtures this week.
They've become boring, and quite frankly, he's done almost all of them, and most of them weren't even fixtures.
Instead, he's going to look deep inside the eyes of you, the listener, for inspiration.

24th April

No fixtures this week, In fact, Fixtures Man hasn't bothered to prepare anything.
Nothing. Just standing here, it doesn't matter, and do you know why? Because I'm still on TV. Are any of you on TV? Noooooooo.
That makes Fixtures Man cool, being on TV is champion.

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